“What’s it like on the other side of me?”
Clay Scroggins poses this question in his book How to Lead When You’re Not In Charge. To ask yourself or anyone else that question requires self-awareness, humility, and curiosity. The way people perceive us will affect how they interact with us.
An aspect of reflecting on the “other side of me” becomes this thought – Do people perceive my criticism louder than my celebration?
We can soften “criticism” by labeling it feedback or areas of growth. I believe the majority of the time, our motivations healthily desire to see others progress. Our motives and the perceptions others have of us might include vast differences.
Andy Stanley, in his book, Making Vision Stick said:
What’s celebrated is repeated. The behaviors that are celebrated are repeated. The decisions that are celebrated are repeated. The values that are celebrated are repeated.
Making Vision Stick
Criticism louder than celebration will influence your relationships with your coworkers, spouse, kids, friends, small group, etc. We can become more apt to fix a problem instead of helping people see what they did well.
You can offer more compliments and affirmations than criticism, but we all have to wrestle with whether our feedback gets louder than our celebrations. Over-focusing on feedback provides short-term gains, but celebrating will inspire lasting progress of the change you desire.
I want to outline four hesitations that people will have in interacting with you if your criticism becomes louder than your celebration:
People will hesitate to engage you.
You probably know people who you would not want to share a new idea. They see more how it would not work rather than how it works. Louder feedback will cause people to engage you less because they might begin to feel that you will offer more ways things will not work as opposed to them working.
People will hesitate to take action.
Imagine a problem arising. If people feel celebrated, they will be more likely to take action instead of waiting for others. Louder criticism will cause people to hesitate because they anticipate the feedback more than resolving the problem.
People will hesitate to innovate.
Innovation happens in a culture where people feel safe to fail. Easier said than done. A loud voice of criticism can cause people to think more in the box as opposed to outside the box. Instead of seeing the solutions that could work, they might begin to negotiate whether to say anything or find the solutions you will agree.
People will hesitate to offer constructive feedback.
If I feel the criticism is louder than celebrating, I probably will second guess offering needed feedback—the feedback we need results from a safe environment where people feel heard. Celebrations invite more of the conversations we need to have.
What other ways do can criticism louder than celebration affect the people around us? Share in the comment section below.
Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash