What relationship frustrates you often?
Particular people in our lives push our buttons. Their behaviors can trigger us to retaliate or withdrawal. The coworker who feels the need to correct every detail of our projects. The family member who offers a wealth of advice from areas where they have no expertise. The friend who shows up fashionably late. You could add your own relationship and reason why a relationship causes you frustration.
Whether we would like to admit or not, we limit grace to the people we like. For the people that trigger us, our grace quotient has a slighter sized tank.
Paul wrote the letter of Colossians to a community full of frustrating relationships. After talking about the Gospel and how Jesus changes the way we see other people, he makes this exhortation:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12
I think most of us want to get to the point of having “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” for the frustrating people in our lives. The question that causes us to struggle — where can I even begin? How in the world can I start to show grace to the person who infuriates me on a regular basis?
Our “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” grows with more data. Data in relationships starts with knowing how people grew up, how they see the world, finding out what matters to them — ultimately it means discovering their story.
Data in relationships does not dismiss unhealthy behavior but gives us insight into understanding the difficult people in our lives.
We can focus more on our frustration with a person without seeing that relationship as a person. The Gospel motivates us to love people as Jesus loves us. The love and grace we receive becomes what we offer to others. The boots on the ground practice starts with getting to know a person beyond our caricature of them to a how Jesus sees them.
Today, what if you took the time to discover the “data” of a difficult relationship? What questions would you ask? Perhaps, in finding out someone’s story, you can begin to see them as Jesus does.
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