You most likely have observed conflicts where two people have stood their ground in their “rightness.”
Dr. Phil, so eloquently, would ask at that moment, “How’s that working for you?” Soon being “right” supersedes our relating to another person. The need to hold our rightness ends up moving us farther in the distance to the people that we disagree.
Take a moment to imagine this vision of the community that Paul describes in Ephesians:
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3
Like many of the letters Paul wrote in the New Testament, he engages a conflict within a church. A majority of the New Testament centered around the disagreements of Jewish and Gentile followers of Jesus. The Gentiles in Ephesians felt responsible for Paul’s imprisonment in Ephesians 3:13. Even more so, Ephesians 2 displays a vision of how the gospel brings peace to a people divided.
The vision of Ephesians 4:2-3 comes from the gospel. Truth and rightness have integrity in the context of Jesus’ model of humility, gentleness, patience, and unity.
Dr. Michael Lindsay, President of Gordon College, has said, “Grace proceeds truth in the Bible on purpose.”
Relinquishing your need to be right invites you to build a bridge to another person. It does not necessarily mean that you will change your mind, but it will pause you long enough to make an effort towards peace. Messy and not always easy.
I want to outline what it looks like when you relinquish your need to be right in volatile conversations:
You become more curious.
The significant danger of cementing our rightness keeps us from asking questions. Instead of finding common ground, we resort to a stump speech. Curiosity relates closely to humility. The willingness to inform our minds by questions can refresh others.
You listen to love the other person rather than argue your point.
How often have you noticed a person listening to trap someone in an argument? As much we love lawyer shows, those interrogations scenes rarely if it all works in real life. Listening pauses us to make sure we understand.
You express that the person matters more than your point of view.
Being right can get convoluted with caring for other people. Does the person on the other side of me think that I care more about being correct than for them? Hopefully, we will bring up difficult conversations to help us grow, not just to prove our point.
You might discover your blind spots.
It’s scary to find out you may be wrong. Followers of Jesus live with the values of patience and gentleness because that’s how our Savior engages us now. Our confidence does not rest in our ability to be right, but in the good news of the gospel, Jesus’ death and resurrection. The moment you dismiss a blind spot, you miss an opportunity to experience the power of Jesus’ grace in you.
What would happen if more of us relinquished our need to be right? Share more in the comment section below.
Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash