When was the last time you offered advice?
It might have felt fantastic. The person listening could have tweeted your one-liner. Perhaps, your advice should become the starting point of a blog post.
The question all of us have to consider when we give advice; How did the person listening to us receive it?
They could have shaken their head in agreement. Some of us may not have even noticed that they rolled their eyes in frustrations. They could have felt more anxiety because instead of focusing their attention on a solution, we offered three other ones.
Why do we give advice? In the healthiest of motivations, we desire to help. Advice can fill space and provide a resolution to a problem. What we miss in giving advice is recognizing what the person on the other side actually hopes from us.
James 1:19 says this, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”
Our thoughts on listening can equate to passivity. In all actuality, when we listen we actively try to understand the other person.
Consider this today; rather than giving advice you ask a question. Advice shortens a conversation and questions dig deeper. Advice places you as the expert and questions allow the other person to become the expert. Advice provides a perspective and questions allow us to see the big picture.
I confess to you that I like advice, but the moments that I lean into questions the other person experiences more growth. They begin to sense the Holy Spirit speaking to them. They begin to process what steps they need to take. More often than not, they become empowered to pursue transformation.
What would happen today in your relationships with your co-workers, spouse, children, friends, and family members if you chose to ask questions rather than give advice?
Photo by Joshua Ness