When Telling the Truth Causes You Problems

Do you tend to lean towards grace or truth? How would the people around you answer that question about you?

The writers of Scripture hold together these two paradoxes. John 1:14 describes Jesus as, “…full of grace and truth.” Later on, as Paul exhorts the Ephesians to live out the Good News of the Gospel in community with others by, “…speaking the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15).

Grace and truth in our relationships invite us to care more about the needs of the other person than ourselves. Jesus throughout the Gospels provides us with a vibrant example of loving people in such a way that they experience both grace and truth.

Honestly, living out grace and truth does not come easy. I find at times when I lean towards truth that it causes unnecessary pain in a relationship. When I lean towards grace, I find myself wondering if I could have said something earlier.

Next week, I will share how grace becomes a problem. Today, I would like to share a few instances when truth becomes a problem:

1. Truth emerges at the wrong time.

You can speak truth and be right but have awful timing. How well does it go when you say, “I told you so.”? Offering truth in a healthy way identifies the best time for people to hear the truth. It may not always come as statements, but even questions like, “How would you handle that differently?” or “What did you learn from that?”

2. Truth motivated by frustration.

We can rehearse what we want to say to other people in our minds. Rarely is it ever a good idea to say our first draft to people. Speaking the truth out of frustration results in us getting what we want rather than bringing life to a relationship. Our words carry impact. Truth laced with unfiltered criticism and name calling causes more harm than good.

3. Truth comes in high doses.

Why would we say ten things, when two would suffice? Telling too much truth at one time can confuse others and even leave the person feeling more discouraged. Healthy truth offers clarity.

4. Truth said without mutual trust.

Truth can trump relationship because we have not built a bridge for people to know we are for them. Also, we may speak the truth to them without fully understanding their story. Consider the person you want to speak truth — could you receive truth from them?

How else can truth become a problem in relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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